A Letter to My Dad

Dear Dad…
It’s me, your little girl. Dad, it has been three years since you passed away. Don’t you know how much we miss you? You’re gone, yet all the memories about you live on.

I remember when I was little, you used to be my hero. You taught us, your children everything. I am so grateful that we learnt how to read Al-Qur’an from our own father. When I was a little kid, I was just a cry baby, easily annoyed by everything. I would come to you every time I cried, or when I felt annoyed by sisters or brother. When mom got a bit upset because I would rather playing with my friends than having lunch first, I would call you. And you would calm me down and told me that was because mom loved me so much, she didn’t want me to be ill. And when you were back from work, you would bring me and mom to go out to cheer me up, and I was allowed to buy anything I wanted. You and mom were so patient and never get mad at me since I’m the youngest child.

Despite your patience, you were very strict. You would say yes for yes, and no for no. You were a ‘to the point’ person. You knew the personalities of your wife and children very well, even sometimes you knew us more than we did. You were an open-minded one. You were the place where we could ask and discuss about anything. Even I often told you about a boy that I had a crush on at school. You had a good sense of humour too. The most important thing is that you always told us to do good deeds to anyone. You were a great role model to us.

Dad, I know I was so stubborn and selfish. I remember when I had a try-out test for my high school final exam, you didn’t allow me to go to the place where the test would be held because I had flu at that time and you were worried that my health would get worse and I wouldn’t be fit prior to the final exam itself. I was upset, didn’t want to talk to you and cried all night, you asked mom to calm me down. In the morning, I apologized to you, and you promised to buy me another complete final-test prediction book. At school, I asked my friend who went to the try-out test for the test sheet. I brought it to home, and when you went home, you gave me the book that you promised. I was so surprised because the questions in that try-out test sheet were pretty much the same with one part of that final test prediction book that you bought. In fact, I didn’t fully do the tests on that book or study whatsoever because I chose to relax my thought. Just be relax, that’s the key, you said. And so grateful, I passed all my final exams with good results.

Dad, I apologize if there were things I did that made you disappointed. I’m sorry for my dreams that I haven’t caught to make you proud. Dad, you were our true leader. Don’t you know how devastated we were when you left us? I was hospitalized, it was such a mental breakdown for me. I have become an introvert since then. But seeing how strong mom is, I realize that I was so selfish. Mom must be more devastated, she lost her soulmate, her everything. But she always tries to be strong. Mom told me ‘Your father wouldn’t like seeing you in sadness. All you need to do now is to always be devoted to Allah, send your prayers to dad, and chase your dreams again. And your dad will be happy there.” She is right. Here I am now, try to get back to real life and open my heart to care about people around me. And now, the most important thing to us is mom. We will do everything for her smile and happiness. Thanks Dad for everything. You’re gone, but you will always be alive, here in our hearts. We love you, Dad…

Today, April 12th, is exactly three years after my dad passed away. I don’t intend to make this post sound gloomy. I just want to share my feelings, I miss my dad so much.